mradermacher/Veritas-12B-i1-GGUF
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0 | My father and I haven't had any contact for about 2 years. Our relationship hasn't been easy since I grew up. Over the last few years, we've grown closer again until I finally stopped contacting him. He didn't get in touch with me either. Our last exchange was a text message that I found hurtful.
A few things happened ... | If you can make use of it - if you are going to him thinking "I need him to behave differently this time", and you intend to become offended again if he doesn't, then don't bother: you don't want to reconnect with him, you just want another shot at forcing him to be something other than what he is.
Me and my mother ha... | Thinking about getting back in touch with my estranged father | null | general_qa |
1 | Ive started reading about stoicism recently and whole story is cool and i think everyones goal should be to reach that state of mind of real stoic but i dont know how to do that. Im naturally either very calm, usually when im not intrested in something, or very impulsive and emotional, when i care about something, neve... | The Stoic path is gradual and consistent. Understand that Stoicism doesn't aim to eradicate emotions but to avoid irrational and harmful reactions to them. Balance is key. Begin by observing your impulses without judgment. Awareness is the first step to control. Reflect on why certain things trigger you-use reason as y... | How to actually become stoic? | null | general_qa |
2 | my dog is 13 - ive had her since i was 3/4 - and is blind with a possible bad eye condition (that's what google tells me because my parents don't want to take her to the vet due to the chance of the inevitable possibility of needing her to be put down) she seems happy but the fact she is ill and that we're on borrowed ... | Unfortunately as someone who also tries to follow stoic philosophy this is something that it's creeping up on me. My dogs my best friend but he's old now and gets sick often. Mentally I have been preparing for it for a long time. Try take as many pictures as possible, live in the moment with them, hug them and say I'm ... | my dog is ill | null | general_qa |
3 | # This disease has destroyed me mentally
I'm a 28 year old Italian and I always smell like urine, I only go out to work. For this reason I have no friends because I'm ashamed to go out. Living with this disease is hell you can't do anything everyone makes fun of you no one takes you seriously. I will talk about it wi... | Reminder that posts with the "Seeking Stoic Advice" flair are considered as seeking specifically and recognizably Stoic advice. Violations may be removed. Conversely, u/Common-Job-5592 may wish to post question in the New Agora, a daily pinned thread for those who are seeking and offering personal opinions inspired by ... | Stoic advice | null | general_qa |
4 | Hi I'm 23/yo, i want to share something with you guys and seeking for stoic advice. I'm reading currently "The Daily Stoic." But I don't know why I'm not able to apply these stoic sayings in real life and most of the time i make impulsive decisions then after sometime obviously i repent those decisions and feel ashamed... | I hope you realize that not being able to follow advice you've simply heard of without first needing to verify if it's true is a feature of your mind, not a bug. If you're expecting to assimilate Stoic ideas into your thinking by reading a few articles on the internet, you should also expect to become an architect by l... | Seeking Advice | null | general_qa |
5 | I have seen many videos and posts on how to write a journal and it's making me more confuse. Can I get all of your advices on how you write your stoic general. I would appreciate the response. | There's no right or wrong way to do it. You can experiment with different approaches until you find the one that works for you. Personally I don't journal much because it's not a tool I find especially helpful, and that's ok too.
Here are some things to try:
- Day in Review. Think about the good and challenging parts ... | Hwo to write a journal? | null | general_qa |
6 | For example, blatant disrespect, someone is like hahaha you're a weak pussy bitch or your daughter/wife is a slut monkey or your family is all shit.
It's like shit I have pride in myself and certain things that are disrespected, but when I defend myself i never win cause it keeps going. And you can't physically do anyt... | I respect myself enough not to give a shit if others do. Someone else's limited perspective (about anything, including me) is their own problem.
But most disrespect is brought on by the individual needing to degrade others in order to elevate themselves. When two people start reflecting off of each other, it amplifies ... | What sort of tricks do you use to remain stoic, when people are disrespectful? | null | general_qa |
7 | I have been having a very difficult time wrapping my head around all of this. My ex moved on with my friend a few months after we broke up. I had still not moved on and even after knowing this, my friend went ahead and started to date her. Upon asking them, they say that they were lonely and found comfort and love in e... | So many people not really getting the point, "Get over it," "what's it got to do with you?"
I'll tell you straight. This practice is not about lying to yourself. You're in pain. You're hurt, and you should be. But the intellectualization has to go. Feel your feelings, respect them. But dwelling is not allowed. You mus... | Friend dating my ex | null | general_qa |
8 | I was an alcoholic for the past 8 years. In retrospect I was someone who has chased quick dopamine my entire life and alcohol was my poison of choice.
This lifestyle did not lead me to having the best community to be around and I was easily corrupted on my morals.
Now that I am sober I have so much clarity and realize... | "Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now take what is left and live it properly". ~Marcus Aurelius "Meditations" Book 7, passage 56.
This can be taken many ways but I find it relevant in anything speaking to our personal and individual past. It is just that, the past. Think only about the now, the pre... | Recommended quotes or passages for dealing with guilt | null | general_qa |
9 | I've been having intense feelings of envy lately. Despite trying to alter my perception of others' successes as stoicism would urge, I find myself getting jealous and incredibly envious of those close to me. I try and look above the lack of opportunities that are given to me, such as constant job rejections and being s... | I have mentioned this analogy before on this sub, and some seemed to find it helpful:
When dealing with envy, it is useful to imagine life as an Olympic swimming match. YOUR performance in YOUR lane is all you can control. If you allow yourself to be concerned with what's going on in the other lanes, you are undermini... | Dealing with envy | null | general_qa |
10 | Hey everyone! I'm seeking advice on bringing more stoicism into my life to maintain a calmer internal dialogue, especially when it comes to work-related thoughts intruding during precious moments.
**My Background:**
* I am Proud father of a 1-year-old boy, absolutely love fatherhood, and cherish my relationship wit... | I have the same question as Gnas about enjoying your work while also finding thoughts of work anxiety-provoking, but I also have a tip that may help you.
If you suddenly think of something you need to remember for work, whip out your phone and send yourself a quick message to your work email. Then you know you won't f... | Seeking Stoic Advice: Work related thoughts while not being at work... | null | general_qa |
11 | My mom says we make life hell for her.
My mom is so ungrateful for everything. We have a pretty good life, compared to everyone else around us. She has a job as a teacher. I'm in uni and I have two siblings who are in school. And my dad has a good job. He does everything she asks yet she complains about everything. Th... | Therapy sounds like a worthy recommendation | Please help me deal with my mother | null | general_qa |
12 | I don't want to go into too much detail, but a self-destructive, stubborn family member has recently become disabled due to performing hard labor at the ripe age of 80. She has always been like this, and she expects to get right back to it as soon as she recovers (big if). She rejects any practical help we offer, we al... | I also was a person that came with solutions a lot. And I don't know if this will help you, but I journal a lot and it helped me to realize that maybe I am not the right person to hand out advice and solutions.
Also, I felt I was thinking maybe too much of myself to be the person to help out in a certain situation. I ... | How can I wittness somebody's suffering without getting emotionally involved? | null | general_qa |
13 | As many of you know journaling is a very effective tool for a stoic. I here this time and time again and I want to start doing it myself, but i'm unsure of where to start. If any of you that journal have thoughts or advice I would be extremely appreciative. | Well Journaling is different for everyone. So my best advice "Just write"
Write about your day, write about how what happened made you feel. write about how you feel about those feelings now that you felt them. Write about what you thought, write about what you think about those thoughts. Write about some random thing ... | Journaling | null | general_qa |
14 | Hey everyone, I am a high school senior and recently my friend group came to an end over a fight between two of my friends. After this, the different groups that my closest friend have been hanging out with are making me feel uncomfortable and I feel like I don't belong with any of the new friend groups they formed. I'... | I'm sorry you feel this way - it's a difficult situation to be in.
I noticed you said only some of your friends have become insufferable: what if you spoke to one of your former friends, let them know how you're feeling?
Maybe it's not that you don't belong with either of the two new groups - perhaps it only feels... | Need Stoic advice regarding school friends | null | general_qa |
15 | After high school, I decided to take a gap year before heading off to university. While I am grateful for the time with my parents, the loneliness has been quite overwhelming.
I have a few friends in different cities, but our conversations are limited to once a week. The lack of daily social interaction is taking a tol... | It's funny how people can be miserable, yet when they imagine what great philosophers do, they end up imagining the philosophers would advise exactly what is already happening.
Right now, you do "cope" with loneliness - to copy is to simply endure something. Enduring loneliness feels like being lonely then doing nothin... | Coping with Loneliness during my Gap Year | null | general_qa |
16 | i know that the title is a little cliche and perhaps something that is heard of a lot on this subreddit but i honestly don't know where to go with this
i recently got out of a toxic relationship and around the end of it i picked up stoicism and reading stoic works particularly meditations
the thing I struggle with in... | You are experiencing how treating the [DoC as a problem solving tool](https://modernstoicism.com/what-many-people-misunderstand-about-the-stoic-dichotomy-of-control-by-michael-tremblay/) isn't going to help you with actually difficult life problems.
I would suggest you study the Discourses of Epictetus. Remembering quo... | Dealing with Breakups | null | general_qa |
17 | I've been addicted to food for a long time. I'm trying to fight it but it is very hard. Being addicted make me aware that I'm not a good man,let alone a good stoic. More over, I am very ashamed that I'm the only one in my family with that kind of problem. I've searched for some stoic advices but I found nothing. I woul... | You aren't addicted for no reason.
There's a reason. A string of events in your body-mind that precede addictive behavior.
Look into this. Like a scientist. Study it.
Don't judge yourself. Learn. Look!
If we want to really find sustainable solutions, we have to be willing to turn ourselves and our genuine curiosity ... | What is the stoic advice for being addicted? | null | general_qa |
18 | 24 M. Was physically assaulted by club staff (14 v/s 3 of us) 2 years ago. That has given me a great deal of PTSD.
I know the usual advice is to avoid physical fights. But if you're having a confrontation with someone and they punch you first, what to do then? What if someone teases my sister or gf? What if they are be... | Maybe it's just the area but in my entire life I've never been in a fight outside of my job (LEO). Someone teasing your GF is not a reason to start a physical altercation that could lead to death.
First off you need to curb your ego, that'll probably keep you out of 90% of fights.
Second there's nothing wrong with se... | Stoic advice on street fights | null | general_qa |
19 | Hi everybody.
I found my Dad yesterday morning. He'd died suddenly in his home, alone. This hurts immensely to think about.
Around 8 years ago I also found my mother dead. I thought I'd processed that, but I'm finding all those feelings are coming back up now. Maybe that's natural, I'm not sure.
A couple of months ba... | First of all, time has a curative effect on your mind. So give it some time to start with.
Remember Seneca when he wrote to his mother a letter to console her grief:
> I realized that your grief should not be intruded upon while it was fresh and agonizing, in case the consolations themselves should rouse and inflame it... | Advice on Grief | null | general_qa |
20 | So long story short...I've been an admirer and reader of the Stoics, particularly Marcus Aurelius, for years. What I'm trying to do is to practice the virtues sufficiently that they become habit and second-nature to me - something that probably will take years if not decades to accomplish. It's a really difficult task ... | Studying Stoicism from Meditations is like studying high-school physics from Einstein's private study notes on General Relativity. Yes, it's no surprise you're having problems, it's not a problem with you or a specific translation you're using.
Find a book that explains Stoicism as a whole (the bot has already given yo... | How should you actually read Meditations? | null | general_qa |
21 | I wonder what kind of a advice a stoic would give his 20 years old self ! | i wouldn't say a goddamn thing. i wouldn't trade this life for anything. even something like buying bitcoin would alter my life, but i'm truly happy with where my life is right now, and that's with huge issues!! | What advice would you give you're 20 years old self | null | general_qa |
22 | I'm a generally very enthusiastic and reliable Person, which has lead to me playing a part in wild array of professional endeavours and informal projects. Now people have gotten used to me being there to support them and move things forward, which in turn leaves me with less and less time to regenerate. I'm still doing... | 1-If you want peace and tranquility, do less.
2-Make a list or your responsibilities in order of what is most essential, to least essential. Start cutting out the least essential, one by one.
3-Eliminate unessential thoughts, since they often lead to unessential tasks.
4-You can't control if others are disappointed. ... | How to cope with expectations? | null | general_qa |
23 | I'm very new to stoicism, i'm not really a stoic but I thought that advice from r/stoicism might help. Whenever I make a mistake like accidentally locking myself out on the balcony or dropping a plate I just think "Why are you so pathetic", that self pity makes me feel terrible but I can't just let go of it. I can't ju... | I used to think very much like this. *For me*, I couldn't have told myself "it is what it is" and walk away unbothered because they were not understood to be small things. *For me* these would have been small examples of a larger "truth" I believed about myself. Believing you're pathetic (or worse) isn't a small thing;... | How do I stop letting small mistakes get to me? | null | general_qa |
24 | Hi everyone
I would like to ask you what exercises you need to do in order to grow in virtue. I read Marcus Aurelius several times, but I abandoned it in favor of the diatribes and the encheiridiona of Epictetus. I also read Cicero, whom I like very much because of his understanding of virtue.
1 Specific question: what... | 1. I think Epictetus' take is smart and worthy of attention: temporary asceticism aids one in removing their passions; it does not remove vice, it helps a newcomer reevaluate their attitudes and judgments toward external things they're accustomed to desiring and, when these things are attained, unduly finding pleasure ... | On Virtue, Asceticism and the Request for Help | null | general_qa |
25 | Yeah that's basicallly it. In a nutshell, i was raised by a loving christian family and ended up becoming an atheist a year ago, without them knowing it.
I love my family more than anything, and they help me a lot, my brother is like a father to me as he taught me a lot of the values i have today, in which some correl... | There's no need, advantage, gain in telling your family about your choice.
Unless you're seeking drama for drama's sake. | Afraid of how my family would react to my lack of beliefs | null | general_qa |
26 | OK, maybe not really like /r/niceguys, I am happily married, and when I was single I had no problems dating, although casually dating, FWB, ONS.
My "problems" manifest mostly at work, friendships and family members.
-----
I am not new to Stoicism, I have read the classics and Pigliucci/Irvine; and I know that Stoicism ... | I read No More Mr. Nice Guy 3 years ago and realized it was 100% me. I read Epictetus and realized it was 100% not me, but closer to who I want to be.
When I get angry, I journal it out. I try to identify what was the impression that I received? Then, what was the judgment I made of that impression? Was my respon... | I am one of the r/niceguys. How do I undo this? | null | general_qa |
27 | I'm in love with an addict, and I recently our relationship. When I broke up with him, I told him that part of the reason I was ending things was that I loved him too much to watch him kill himself. I was experiencing a lot of emotional distress because of his addiction and the way he was letting it impact his life and... | >Or would growing as a Stoic mean accepting that a leopard cannot change its spots, accepting that remaining in his life may be harming us both more than anything, and walking away?
You know full-well it's this one. | In love with an addict | null | general_qa |
28 | Hi,
I have recently tried to read more about stoicism to combat my anxiety. I bought "Meditations" , and I am now working my way trough it.
I recently got to know that I am moving, and moving out from my current rental. Which I have had soon over a year. I am worrying constantly and anxious about the landlord f... | Paraphrasing Epictetus in Discourses:
> "He who does not worry about the future suffers, at most, once whenever a tragedy happens. But he who does worry about the future suffers twice: once in his imagination before the tragedy, and once when the tragedy itself happens. Indeed, often the worrier suffers only in his min... | Seeking advice: Anxiety about the future | null | general_qa |
29 | I've been practicing Stoicism for a couple of years now, and I do see some improvements.
These days I am tackling an issue that I have: when I interact with people I tend to "forget" to pay attention to the moment, to be Mindfull, and I react emotionally to most everything.
While I know this is not a Stoic matter, ther... | >These days I am tackling an issue that I have: when I interact with people I tend to "forget" to pay attention to the moment, to be Mindfull, and I react emotionally to most everything.
In my experience, this reaction is a result of automatic judgments about your circumstances. The way the Stoics understood this menta... | How do I maintain Mindfulness when interacting with people? | null | general_qa |
30 | When practicing temperance in a situation where you are offended how should you respond to the person that offended you. In my situation this person is my father in law and my mother in 2 separate situations. Normally I am not bothered by others options and what they say to me because I do not care what a random person... | The Stoics argued another person cannot cause us offense since the essence that is us, the thing that identifies us as an autonomous agent, cannot be harmed by anyone or anything. [As Michael Tremblay explains](https://tremblaymichael.wordpress.com/category/stoicism/introduction-to-stoicism/):
>Stoicism argues that wha... | Temperance | null | general_qa |
31 | I recently began reading a translation of Epictetus' works. In one part of it, he says it is better to be poor and starve to death in tranquility than to live anxiously in abundance. He also says "you can always win competitions in which winning is up to you".
Now I have recently decided to take a big leap in my career... | Epictetus is talking about a choice between poor and happy vs rich and miserable. If your choice was poor and miserable vs rich and happy obviously it doesn't apply. | Stoic values and Career | null | general_qa |
32 | Some of you might be thinking, aren't t people supposed to be happy and feeling fresh for a new year. Well not so much for me. I'm a teenager. I got to put up with harder subjects, difficult teachers, in a new environment because of changing classes and having to put up with my family's reprimands or strict ideals. I k... | How are you progressing with your Stoic studies? You asked for book recommendations recently - what did you end up buying and what are you currently reading? | Dreading the dawn of a new year and beyond it | null | general_qa |
33 | I just can't take any responsibility. I can't go to school without outside involvement, I never finish something I started, can't stick to a schedule, I just can't do things on my own will. | Self limiting mindset. You absolve yourself of responsibility by saying you can't do it without outside involvement, which is weakness. A failure of will.
> At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: "I have to go to work-as a human being. What do I have to complain of, If I'm going to do what I... | Stoic advice on taking responsibility | null | general_qa |
34 | A friend I considered close has disappointed me and out of curiosity I would like to hear how others may choose to act in this situation (from a stoic point of view).
A month ago I had a low point and messaged my friend if she could call me whenever she was free. No response.
A month passes and she completely ignores t... | I am not a psychologist or anything like that, but it sounds to me like your feelings got really hurt because your friend didn't come through in the way you had hoped, and then you tested her to confirm your suspicions. And now you're punishing her by withholding your friendship because she doesn't deserve it.
The thi... | How would you proceed in my situation from a stoic point of view? Advice for dealing with a flaky friend | null | general_qa |
35 | I've accepted that I'm going to be single forever and I'm wondering if there's any stoic perspective on how to cope with such a fundamental human desire being thwarted forever.
P.S. please to answer the actual question and not give me dating advice. | Epictetus may serve as a role model for you. He never married and had no children. In later life he adopted a child and hired a woman to help care for her.
As far as we can tell, he invested his life fully in teaching Stoicism.
Other people who never married and yet led significant lives include Jane Austen, Beethove... | Does stoicism offer any advice on coping with being "forever alone"? | null | general_qa |
36 | I am constantly worried about the smallest signs of that something is wrong and I always take it to the biggest of extremes. I am seeking Stoic advice on this issue to relieve my worries. | Health anxiety is a challenge in today's western world for sure.
We can cure the most amazing things today, if they get to it on time.
Getting to it on time is a challenge because the health systems in many countries are still overwhelmed or inaccessible.
So people try to look for information on the internet where eve... | Health anxiety | null | general_qa |
37 | I'm 19 years old and my mom has early-onset alzheimer's disease. She was diagnosed at only 50. It's not been easy at all.
I wouldn't say I'm new to stoicism, I've read Meditations, Discourses, and Letters from a Stoic. I've been interested and learning about it for a few years now, since before my mom's diagnosis. The ... | Understand that following stoicism doesn't mean not feeling any emotions through this difficult diagnosis. Feel sad, feel frustrated, feel anger - all those emotions are natural and part of the "navigating." Where stoicism can help is in deciding how you respond to your situation, what actions you take during this time... | A Stoic approach to dealing with a parent who has early-alzheimer's disease? | null | general_qa |
38 | So around two weeks ago, my life was going well, my self esteem was rising from a shit 2022, and i thought i was out of the ringer. Then all that hope was thrashed into peices. bassically this kid that i was sort of friends with made this rumor about me saying that i leaked his home adress. This was a blow as i thought... | Stoicism can't help you but your parents can. Talk with them, you're not equipped to handle this. Things like this are adults' responsibilities. | I need good advice from some stoic men, because i dont know what will happen to me now, im getting death threats in highschool | null | general_qa |
39 | Hey everyone. I consider myself an amateur stoic; have read Aurelius and Seneca and am currently reading Epictetus.
A little background: So I had a 5+ year relationship that ended late 2021. We ended up remaining best friends to this day. Since then, I wanted to get back with her, but have tabled it due to her wanted ... | With respect, perhaps you're at your breaking point because you're hanging onto a fantasy that she is unwilling to accommodate, and, fortunately, you realize you're not entitled to demand. The problem is not sex, the problem is your inability to recognize and conform your preconceptions about sex, relationships, and yo... | A unique and frustrating relationship (need good stoic advice) | null | general_qa |
40 | It might sound good to feel important but I don't like it cause I wanna be a normal person. | In order to better ensure that users seeking Stoic advice receive well-informed, Stoic responses, we have decided to [refine some requirements in the subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/18f5pc0/one_major_change_and_some_minor_changes_to_the/). Posts that are not specifically and recognizably Stoic adv... | Why can't I get rid of the feeling that I'm special or important? And do the stoics have advice for this ? | null | general_qa |
41 | I've been reading about stoicism for about a year now and its had a huge impact on my mental health, however recently my ability to put it to use has been tested to say the least.
This may seem trivial compared to other peoples problems, but I have a young cat (soon to be five y/o) who I may lose in the near future. H... | My dog just turned 15 and the entirety of the last year I've expected him to need to be put down at any time. I've been able to appreciate the time I have with him and not worry about losing him, though.
I mean, I know it's going to suck. But why grieve early? It's not going to shorten the overall time spent grieving!... | Stoic advice for the probable loss of a pet? | null | general_qa |
42 | BTW: I wasn't sure if I should be putting this in the "New to Stoicism" or in "Seeking Stoic Advice" - I've only been interested in Stoicism as a means for dealing with my own circumstances for the past year or so.
For some context: I struggle with the actual practicing of Stoicism, mostly due to having ADHD (mostly th... | When you first learn to drive, you have to think about it constantly every time you're in control of a car. Even after you pass your test, you constantly remind yourself "ok now I take the handbrake off, remember to signal, check the mirrors..."
But after a while driving becomes automatic, and you can listen to music o... | How much mental energy or thought process does practicing Stoicism take up? | null | general_qa |
43 | I'm going to be giving birth in a few weeks. What advice does Stoic philosophy have for me? Has anyone on here faced this experience and found Stoic perspectives helpful?
I plan to use pain medication in combination with other coping techniques - I find it most helpful personally to think of childbirth as lying along t... | If you trust your obstetrician, lean on their advice for timing, dosage, etc. They do this every day. If they are dedicated to the virtue of quality care, their advice is valuable, based on experience, and better than any you are likely to find on the internet.
When my wife delivered, the epidural was helpful and wel... | Stoicism for giving birth | null | general_qa |
44 | **I prefer X. But X is absent in reality. Y is present. This makes me sad/disappointed/frustrated, etc. What is stoic advice or way of thinking?**
For example:
* I want the weather to be sunny. But it is cloudy. And it makes me sad.
* I prefer people to be happy. But then I go out and few seem to be happy at least w... | Stoicism includes, in a large part, the managing of our expectations with reality. You can prefer things such as a sunny day, but to set your expectation on it being sunny will lead to disappointments because none of us can control the the weather.
What you are describing, in every instance, are what are called false ... | When my preferences and reality part ways.... | null | general_qa |
45 | We broke up with my partner 2 months ago after 5 years of being together, and my life has been a living hell since then. I lost my job, had to move back in with my parents, I have no friends, everyone in my family is completely unavailable emotionally so I can't turn to anyone for emotional support and the therapist I'... | In terms of stoicism you really have to adopt the "it is what it is" mentality. I know it's hard especially after a 5 year relationship. I've been there twice with long relationships myself. But I'm reality she has this relationship lined up probably for some time and that's why it was so easy for her to go to someone ... | I have no idea how to handle my breakup. | null | general_qa |
46 | Hello everyone, i'm relatively new to stoicism although I have been looking into stoic views for some time now. I am having trouble trying to decide the best course of action for my own mental and for my sports team regarding forgiveness of a teamate. A player on this sports team that I will call Jake brings down the e... | I don't view it as forgiveness so much as accepting that they are who they are and not letting their actions into my life. | Should I forgive no matter what? | null | general_qa |
47 | I'm pretty new to stoicism and I'd like to know what advice stoics have for someone who is really constantly comparing themselves to others. I'm really bad with this and I make everything about myself. If a friend gets a promotion I think "why not me?" or they get into a relationship I think "why not me?".
I feel like... | Consider that it makes no sense to envy someone who you do not know is happy.
And consider that you can never know whether someone else is happy.
Therefore, envy never makes sense. | How can I stop comparing myself to others? | null | general_qa |
48 | I am working a job I completely detest. I don't like it at all, and even though I am completing work to the rubrics I've been given, they'll find problems with other things. I was sick a few days and came back with a note from my doctor and that still landed me in a review for my position. At this point I am convinced ... | I think the answer you are looking for is already in your post. You don't need someone else to tell you what you already know. Either change your situation or accept your situation, there is no other option. | Looking for advice from some elder stoics | null | general_qa |
49 | Hi, I'm male, 21 years old and I'm wondering if guys know any good stoic quotes and advice for me? | My Stoic advice to young people is to learn about Stoicism. That means reading books like The Practicing Stoic and if Stoicism seems like it makes sense to you, then move on to the classic works of Epictetus, Seneca and Marcus Aurelius.
Quotes taken out of context tend to do more harm than good. People get confused an... | What Stoic advice do you have for people in their 20s? | null | general_qa |
50 | I got into practicing stoicism two years ago, when I was 16. This month I reflected on the past year and concluded it a failure, though the wisdom and experience I gained is potentially more valuable at the moment than my lost goals.
Currently I'm building more discipline in order to be more able to execute the action... | Your year wasnt a failure.
Dissatisfaction is a choice. | Looking for words of advice from fellow stoics | null | general_qa |
51 | I would like some advice, and I am hoping you Stoics have some food for thought on my problem:
I went to grad school in a different country 10 years ago, and during those two years, I had a personal fallout with a person that affected me so strongly, that I started to develop a depression that would take me about 5 ... | The past no longer exists, and neither does the future, the only time you have is the present moment, and the only thing you can really go do in this moment is go out and try and make friends. Forget whatever happened in the past.
It is also a mistake to think that just because someone has numerous friends that they s... | What to do with the regret and sadness of what happened in the past? | null | general_qa |
52 | I experience impulsive reactions sometimes, and sometimes I catch them and sometimes I don't. I usually apologise for them, but I also try to learn from them. It's very difficult to find clarity and it feels like my mind is narrow whenever I face heavy emotions, I started meditating 30 minutes a day and it already does... | Keep practising. Stoicism isn't a quick fix. The more baggage you carry when you start the longer it will take to unload. | How can i be consistent with my reactions and my beliefs? | null | general_qa |
53 | Hi guys, I'm 24 living in the UK and have been in a job for 6 years which isn't that well paid but the company is really good and the people I work with are nice. I would say I've been in a comfort zone for ages now so from last year I have been looking for a new job, starting the gym going 6 times a week, feeling a lo... | Just my opinion but if you are in a job where the company is good and the people are nice you should consider whether you really want to leave even if the pay isn't that great. IMO money isn't everything, i have had jobs where i was better off financially but i felt my life was worse. I don't think there is a ''destiny... | How do I find my destiny? | null | general_qa |
54 | Is there any stoic or non-stoic advice for me?
about 5 months ago my ex broke up with me. I started studying stoicism and other schools of philosophy to improve myself and that helped. I am doing so much better than I was doing when the break up happened. But a couple of days ago she reached out to ask me to come pick... | I'm new to this sub and while I'm not being too focused on too many things this sub provides. I can totally say that you won't waste a second of your life if you help person you once loved or still loves without getting anything in return. Everything in our life is lesson and you my friend have a lot to learn till we ... | Cancer and Breakup | null | general_qa |
55 | First of all, thank you for taking some of your time to read this and also; for any advice you can give me.
A little bit of background: I have been dating my girlfriend for 7 years now, we have lived together for 4 of those years; and even moved to Spain for the last two years. Since we became a couple, I've known she ... | Sadly, Stoicism is a philosophy of fundamental re-examination.
You've come here saying "how can I stay in the same wretched relationship I've always been in, dating a woman I know is violent and angry, and somehow feel ok with it?".
The only answer from this philosophy is "you can't - you are *choosing* to enter into a... | Seeking Stoic Advice - Dealing with a partner with anger issues and swift mood changes. | null | general_qa |
56 | I have an annoying habit of reading the news, not just normal headlines, but also diving into regional news of various countries and also global climate news, it often depresses me and makes me anxious, hence why I've been looking into stoicism, I'm buying meditations and Massimo Pigliucci's handbook for new stoics, bu... | one stoic value is cosmopolitanism. we are members of the world, and are eager to improve the world.
"not being informed" is not really a stoic virtue. wisdom requires information to act on.
it's not the news that makes you depressed and anxious, but your reaction to it. work on that. everything from your very body... | Advice for someone overly aware of worldly issues. | null | general_qa |
57 | Hi I'm not sure if this is the right place to put this but anyways. I've always been quite stoic and logical thinker and now I've just crumbled.
I have worked hard to get into a masters program through years of study and hard work and now that I'm here I've just crumbled. I'm going through what I presume is depressive... | If your university enrollment has an attached health insurance plan, use it to get a psychological evaluation. You are paying for it, to not utilize that type of benefit is unwise, unjust (to yourself) and not courageous. It would be an immoderate waste of your efforts up to now to not find out what a councilor or psyc... | Feel like a failure | null | general_qa |
58 | this is rather embarrassing, so please bear with me. thank you for choosing to read this.
since my childhood, I've been keen to listening to music and daydreaming. i am 19 right now and I am still doing this to excessive levels to this day. it has reached to a point where i now have the urge to listen to music when I f... | I understand that you don't want a solution friend, but it sounds like "maladaptive daydreaming" to me. Especially if its to the point where you can't get everyday necessities done, i.e. studying for your test. HOWEVER, listening to music and daydreaming are two morally neutral things unless you think it's gotten out o... | I've been fighting a childhood addiction and failing miserably | null | general_qa |
59 | So basically theres this girl whom I have a massive crush on and got a lot in common but unfortunately i found out that shes in a 4 year serious relationship.And Since I found that out its been hurting like hell to the point I feel it has interferred in my day to day activities where sometimes I dont feel like eating o... | >Or should I be straightforward and go and ask her out or at least tell her and risk it?
Wait, you want to ask out a woman who already has a partner?
Your problem is that you believe relationships create happiness - only believing this could cause you to think "deceitfully approaching another man's woman is worthwhile ... | Whats the stoic way of dealing with a love interest/Crush that one is not destined for,Or right person at the wrong time? | null | general_qa |
60 | hi! my friend recently began to be a Stoic. I don't really know how Stoicism works so I bought a copy of Meditations and I'm trying to get through it so I understand his philosophies. he's a very anxious person with a lot of stuff in his past, so it makes sense he's drawn to this. I'm not very far into the book, but it... | Tell him the difference between [lowercase stoicism and uppercase Stoicism ](https://archive.fo/ESWHY) | help advising a Stoic friend who rejects "emotional" advice? | null | general_qa |
61 | Note: If you have time you can read this. Thank you.
I may not know each and every one of you but I would appreciate some of your advice. I'm a 19-year-old college freshman, and I've been infatuated with this girl in my class. In the first few weeks, I never really developed a crush on her since my perception of her l... | I don't think there's one stoic philosopher that wrote about asking a girl out. I think you're overthinking this. If you want to get some answers: talk to her, get to know her, ask her out if you think there's a mutual interest. If you want to dwell on your thoughts: don't ask her out. | I wanna get over this girl but I always get diverted | null | general_qa |
62 | Hello everyone, I need some Stoic advice on how to deal with friendship, unrequited love, and impending loss. I apologize; I am somewhat of a lapsed Stoic, as I've been out of practice for a while now. I can see where my mistakes are, but I need advice and resources on how best to correct them.
Here's the story. I met ... | >He kindly refused and said he would rather stay friends, which I accepted, hoping my heart would follow suit. We stayed close friends, but I noticed I'd become far too attached to him.
No, you're not close friends - friendship is a state defined by two people having the exact same view of a relationship as one another... | Stoic advice for friendship, unrequited love, and loss? | null | general_qa |
63 | It's very late where I live and I have a bit of a headache, but I'm going to try writing this in the best way I can.
I used to have a close friend group who I had been friends with for around eight months. We mainly talked online with group chats and whatnot since I'm homeschooled now. Socializing naturally is somethin... | Things end. We are not special. We all will die, everyone we've ever known will die, and eventually all of us will be forgotten.
I am not trying to be bleak, but it is a reminder to let go of the menial.
You will find new groups and eventually leave them too only to join others. People come in and out of our lives. It ... | Advice for getting over a friendship? | null | general_qa |
64 | (I'm unofficially adopted by my friends family, it's a long story - anyway)
I know this dilemma is kinda weird but I could really use some advice. I think someone (I couldn't tell who) just made fun of how I was laughing to myself in my own room from another room. The only reason I realized they this was a joke at my e... | Just to be clear:
1: this family don't approve of weed
2: they've split up part of their living space to accommodate you
3: you get stoned every evening in your car
Of course you should stop getting stoned while you're living with this family. They're doing you a tremendous favour and they're not keen on drugs, so yo... | How do you deal with people in your "family" making fun of you behind your back. | null | general_qa |
65 | I (31 f) work as a heavy duty equipment operator (793 cat) in a very remote mine in Northern Canada (in the arctic circle). We operate very large equipment in very extreme conditions.
There is 1 fellow operater who challenges me frequently. Making false accusations about me to my superiors/coworkers, confronting me wi... | Doing the right thing can complicate your life. Doing the right thing is often not rewarded. Doing the right thing can make people angry with you.
Doing the right thing is simply right. It is the path to being OK with yourself even when things are not OK in your environment.
If management won't back you on serious sa... | Stoic advice for a complicated situation. | null | general_qa |
66 | I'm coming back to this subreddit because I've received some pretty life-changing advice here in the past and I'm dealing with some issues that I'd like to hear your thoughts on.
I'm a very routine-oriented person, and I really depend on my routines to keep me moving through life in a decently successful manner. Howe... | The best coping mechanism that I have is one that is attached to both sociology and neuropsychology. I simply think the following:
If this thing X didn't require hardship and effort this very same thing will lose value and as a result, I wouldn't want to pursue it in the first case. The effort is what makes it valuable... | Advice to help me continue my routine in the face of hardship? | null | general_qa |
67 | Hi folks, expat in his 30s living in Norway. Need advice on a few subjects as I'm unsure whether this is the life path for me -
*no job
*no social number /ID
*living with partner and son
I'm relentless in my pursuit for a happy, meaningful life, so I study, read, cook well, discuss the future, encourage and motivate my... | Hey , I don't have anything in particular to say, but I can understand how you feel , atleast partially, specially moving to a new country and not being able to get things done.
Sorry brother.
Btw, you think you can pick up a course in a local university and make a social life ? | Too many thoughts, I need to consolidate. | null | general_qa |
68 | My ex left me in January with very little context apart from "not loving me for years". A couple of weeks later I was informed and shown evidence that she had been having an affair for 3 months and had left me to continue this relationship. Around March I started a new relationship which has been nothing short of wonde... | This is tough. I went through the same thing, minus the part where ex the cheated. All my friends, even my friend for 30 years gravitated towards her. I needed to accept what I can't change that and that's that, I wasn't friends with them any longer. Did I hold resentment? Yes, but I was happy to have the opportunity a... | Ex wife had an affair and mutual friends have gotten closer to her | null | general_qa |
69 | I did so bad on my math final exam today and if I fail this exam it means that I will have to repeat this grade again and I don't want that... I'm already two years gap and I'm so scared what if I fail this exam and repeat the grade again and everyone will be so dissapointed in me.. my family expects a lot from me.. wh... | You can learn something from this and use it as motivation so as to change your lifestyle to not get into similar situations again. | Did really bad on my final math exam today. Please give me stoic advices! | null | general_qa |
70 | Tonight I had a board meeting where one of the board members is delinquent in his HOA assessments, but expects the board to waive the late fees. This is the second time he's requested this when he consistently refuses to accord the same treatment to homeowners, and last time he threatened to sue the board he is sitting... | A stoic "appearance" isn't going to help as much as an actually Stoic understanding of reality.
This man doesn't want to pay. You already knew that. You already knew he will lie to avoid paying. You seem to care about this issue more than the other board members do, and your belief that they should feel the way you do... | Facing Lying Gaslighting Board Member | null | general_qa |
71 | **EDIT / Disclaimer:** I'm not looking for quotes or theoretical advice, but rather interested to know how you personally handle this kind of stuff and if you manage to stay truly stoic at all times.
Misinformation and hate are peaking.
The world is more divided than ever.
People seem to be getting more stupid, althoug... | It's called *practicing stoicism.*
No one is truly Stoic all the time, even Marcus Aurelius. If you actually believe that, you're setting yourself up for failure, unachievable expectations, and eventual implosion. We're human not machines, with imperfect emotions and needs. Stoicism is a tool to keep you moving towards... | How many of you manage to stay truly stoic during these times and how? | null | general_qa |
72 | 18M here requesting stoic advice.
So, I sit next to this really smart guy in class. He has the top grades, a leader of a student body and is a really hard worker. He is well loved by his peers and teachers.
The thing is, I'm really competitive. I can't help but compare myself with him every chance I get. Whenever we ... | Your problem in the Stoic sense is that you are trying to pursue academic success in a way that is counter-productive to that goal.
You compare yourself to this person because you've reasoned it will somehow motivate you into becoming more like him, but as you've seen, adopting this judgement instead causes you to beco... | Advice on focusing in class | null | general_qa |
73 | I am not familiar with stoicism, but I have read a lot of posts on this subreddit about failure and how to cope with failure. Since conventional talk therapy doesn't work for me, I am curious about how to use a stoic philosophical approach to learn to accept myself.
I am a failure. I say this based on what I think is ... | Everything drains down to perception. Were these failures? Or lessons?
Not lessons on how to try again and succeed necessarily. Perhaps these events, or failures as you've deemed them, have showed you something about yourself that you still don't see.
How did you handle them? Did you break? You're still here. You sti... | I am a failure because I have failed at everything. How can stoicism help me to live with this? | null | general_qa |
74 | It's been 11 months since I got clean and part of that reason was just understanding myself and reading in to stoicism philosophy. I recently tried hydrocodone a weaker opiate and thought it would allow me to feel how I once did but after that night I just kept chasing the high and I'm back at my original dosage like b... | Context: I'm a former addict with four years of clean time (terrifying how time flies) who has been practicing Stoicism for about that length of time.
Everyone relapses their way sober - that 11 months was far from "nothing", and even though you'll be resetting your clean time, this next phase will be *far* easier than... | Relapsed on oxy | null | general_qa |
75 | As a 20 year old biracial (b&w) man I can't seem to win. It's cliche but it's true when I say I've always been too white for the blacks and too black for the whites. It doesn't help I have aspergers making it hard to relate to others my age, as well as being a deep, intellectual thinker in a generation that idolizes st... | >I feel my generation is the only one that could fix things before they get out of hand yet nobody cares at all.
No. This is a lie you tell yourself.
>How does a stoic man face opposition from his own people, as well as the community he lives in?
A significant person in my life has a white mother and a black father. He... | How does a stoic man face opposition from his own people, as well as the community he lives in? *New to Stoicism as well | null | general_qa |
76 | I've always found it relatively straightforward to take solace in Stoic principles when facing discouraging or upsetting career situations, such as being passed over for a promotion you believed you deserved. Stoicism provides valuable guidance on how to cope with adversity.
However, I've encountered challenges when se... | Musonius Rufus gave a lecture specifically about "career" - "What means of livelihood is appropriate for a philosopher", in which he suggests working on the farms. Here's an excerpt:
There is also another means of livelihood in no way inferior to this, indeed, perhaps it would not be unreasonable to consider it even b... | Stoic Career Advice | null | general_qa |
77 | I have been a student of Stoicism for about a year now and it has greatly helped my mental health and how I view the world and process things. It has helped ground me on some things I've struggled with and helped me let go of others, but I have a situation that I am struggling with and it is a little
complex.
I was bo... | There is an awful lot to unpack here - the simple truth is that you are in the "collapsing" phase of a cult. You may not think of your religion in terms of being a cult - I suspect it's a fringe offshoot of an already small offshoot of a more mainstream religion, and I'd wager it was not always cult-like in its adminis... | Advice on how to move forward handling this family dynamic | null | general_qa |
78 | Hey guys, first of all, I wanted to thank everybody in the community for this amazing subreddit, I've recently started my stoic studies and I've read John Sellar's Stoicism and now following the advice in this post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/1617471/how\_to\_learn\_stoicism\_systematically/](https://w... | It's good that you recognized your formal education in some subjects were not enough and are putting in the effort to study them by yourself. That already puts you ahead of many people who would rather blame their circumstances and become wretched.
Have you tried some ways to study other than video lessons, like books,... | How to deal with the frustation when studying? | null | general_qa |
79 | Hi all,
Aspiring Stoic here and am looking for some advice. I have been reading some of Seneca (on anger) and some Marcus Aurelius. Some parts of Stoicism is resonating with me, specifically the dichotomy of control and classifying things as indifferent. One reason I came to Stoicism is due to my over analyzation of s... | I'm by no means an expert but maybe the answer is already in your post.
You said when you start to read some of the ideologies(?) and begin to follow them, you start to not care.
It seems like you're not properly applying what you've learned.
For example, getting angry in a game. You stop and give yourself a moment.... | Struggling with some parts of Stoicism | null | general_qa |
80 | I just need some stoic advice. I am completely devastated. How do I get through this? | Looking at your post and comment history, my recommendation would be to stop taking drugs. Mushrooms and infant care don't mix well. | Girlfriend broke up with me and left with the baby | null | general_qa |
81 | What is some stoic advice on how to reduce or even eliminate the fear of taking risk? Such as approaching a cute girl at the bar. I believe that so many of us are so worried about how others perceive us that the actual event of rejection may not bother us but what bothers us is how the people who witnessed that rejecti... | Negative visualization or something, I can't remember it's name but basically think of all the possible worst outcomes imaginable and pretend as if they have happened, embrace them. You will never be disappointed | Stoic way of mitigating the fear of taking risks | null | general_qa |
82 | Hello so various things
1. I've accepted that my two paths at this point are either to make and save enough money to live on my own away from everyone(hopefully in a large field) in a small house. Or (hopefully not) suicide. Either way, I've made peace with it. Having lost friends because of what I did(deservingly) wor... | The most "Stoic" thing you can do when you have mental health issues is to seek professional help and fully commit to dealing with those issues first. | Trying to Make Peace with Dilemmas | null | general_qa |
83 | What does stoicism say about hanging around people that may bring you down? I've been doing research on it and I've seen two sides to it: one where we should immediately leave as no matter how clean you are, you will get dirty hanging around dirty people. The other says that we shouldn't let them affect us and to conti... | Relationships are transactional. It's not a romantic thing to say but what is the value of a bond if it doesn't benefit both parties more than it damages them? First you may want to define what friendship means to you.
Seneca speaks about this in his [9th letter](https://en.m.wikisource.org/wiki/Moral_letters_to_Lucili... | Feel like I'm outgrowing friends. | null | general_qa |
84 | Hey everyone! I just recently finished reading meditations by Marcus Aurelius for the first time and it help me get through some very hard times. But often I feel that I have this underlying anxiety at all times that I just can't seem to shake. I meditate, practice stoic wisdom, and try to focus my mind constantly, but... | Well classic Stoic thought on anxiety is that it comes from false impressions, that we maybe want people to think or say something when really their thoughts and actions are their business and not ours. Or we maybe consider that a certain outcome is 'right' or 'good' when actually no outcome of itself is good or bad, b... | Anxiety | null | general_qa |
85 | I have just begun reading stoic philosophy and the controllables seem to be what one should focus on for a fulfilling life. This sounds right on to me, but I recently did an exercise where I determined my values and one of mine was that I value developing compassion for/with others.
This value now seems a contract for... | Compassion is a one way street. It is a feeling you feel for another being. There is no requirement for reciprocity.
If feeling compassion is a strong value to you, do it without the expectation that they will give you something back. | Is a value of compassion for/with others a path to unhappiness? | null | general_qa |
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